Eram Sum Ero.

Oremus Mare.

I believe in you.

February 8, 2025

Why I Failed To Be Muslim

In the name of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit,

I seek Truth.

Muslims believes in a law.

I believe in The Law.

I wanted to understand Islam—not as an outsider, but as someone willing to see if it was truly the path to God. I was sincere, was willing to say the Shahada & genuinely tried to believe. As someone who rarely reads physical books, the fact that I read the Quran in it’s entirety is miraculous in itself. The Quran is quite beautiful, if I’m being honest, which is a standard I will use throughout this letter.

I will be honest with you.

If honesty, even in the presence of sincerity and respect offends, upsets, or triggers you, please consider not continuing to read this letter.

I was invited to a masjid by a Muslim man. He was very kind to me, offered me assistance, invited me into his place of worship, and was one of the most pleasant interactions I’ve had with a human in a long time. We ate together in the masjid as it was Ramadan and I was invited to participate. It was near the end, with around a week remaining. Some people stayed in the masjid for the entire month and it was…genuinely peaceful. I was a bit rushed to say the Shahada and I struggle knowing if they did that out of valuing me or to benefit their own scale. However, as someone who was raised by American media, which showed me the twin towers falling and blaming Muslims by name when I was not even 10 years old yet, this experience more than surprised me, in a beautiful way.

I asked questions, studied its teachings, spoke with many Muslims, immersed myself as much as I could, and tried to truly be Muslim.